2005-10-30
Worry and Whining.
I'm wound up about going into work tomorrow. There are various reasons for this - basically, the culmulative effect of me screwing up a couple of times, poor communication on my employer's part, and me screwing up some more. It's got my frustrated with myself - some of the mistakes are down to me being stupid, and lacking common sense, something which I thought I was beginning to get a handle on. I'm worried if what I've done has wider implcations, which freaks me out even more. It's not dealt with fully, so it's got me worried about Monday too.To calm myself down, I figured I'd do what I do with essays. Divide things down into smaller issues. I've got five. Two are out of my hands, and there's nothing I can do but try not to fuss and worry too much and see what happens. One might not be an issue and is something I may have dreamt up, which I what happens when my worry kind of snowballs - it can rectified on Monday. The last two are things I need to do tomorrow. One I can do right away with the right information (although it should have been done on Friday, I did work waaay over my actual shift to get it done as well as I could), and the other I'm going to hope for a mixture of my efforts working and other people coming good. Five things. Just need to keep them in my head and count them down. Deal with them one by one until the worry gets less.
All this is incredibly ambiguous and melodramatic, and I'm sorry. I'm just a little frustrated and disappointed in myself which means I'll keep it as ambiguous as possible while trying to get it off my chest.
7:59 p.m.
2005-10-27
New Job!
I'm employed again! After a week of pestering my temping agency I now work for the council. The job is pretty hectic at the moment - I pretty much get thrown in the deep end on the first day, and not possessing that much in the way of common sense, it's taken me a little way to find my way around things. Thus, I think we're running a little behind the deadline. Hopefully, I can drag myself out of the house a little earlier, to do some sekrit work before my boss arrives. I know that sound stupid, but I do have a certain amount of pride in my work so it means a lot to me to able to get it done.Still, my office is nice, and I actually have all the equipment I need. I'm properly networked with my own e-mail address and I have a very swish computer. I've only met one of the other admin assistants - she seems nice, and has been really helpful, but she's not too much for the small talk.
The dissertation has suffered this week because of it, though. I've started to panic a little again. I wanted to have gotten so much done so I could go and see The Hobbit with muchos work to make up for the fact I've not seen him at all. I did work pretty hard last week - sadly only with a 1000 words to show for it. The longer I leave it, the more I feel I've got to show for it, but then the workload gets bigger. :( I have resolve face right now - going to the library tomorrow after work, so help me God, and I'm going to try and get another 500 out in the afternoon.
My cat has also developed an ambition to get run over. He legged it in front of a car this morning. He just bolts and doesn't think about it.
Ugh. Happy notes: hopefully, I get paid tomorrow. And the pay where I am now is pretty good. And abc shows 'Sport's Night' late on which means that I get Joshua Malina on a weekly basis! Huzzah! OK, so he's not playing Will Bailey, but it's still great!
And on that note, here's Will Bailey looking adorable:
It doesn't make the dissertation thing better, but it helps. :)
9:31 p.m.
2005-10-25
Moron
I am a moron. May all lesser morons bow before me!9:18 p.m.
2005-10-22
Pythonage
You are Sir Robin, a knight on the quest for the
Holy Grail. You are very passive and cowardly
though you deny being so, and are accompanied
by a troop of annoying minstrels who are later
eaten (with much rejoicing).
Which Monty Python's Quest For the Holy Grail character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dagnammit. That's sort of true. Except for the minstrels.
After much pestering and the growing of shrubberys, I finally got through to the agency. Hopefully, I'll be employed on Monday. Huzzah!
7:29 p.m.
2005-10-21
Domanatrix
High point of yesterday?Having to explain to my mum what a domanatrix is.
Wait, did I say "high point"...?
10:57 a.m.
2005-10-19
Break in Work
Just taking a break from working on my dissertaion in the lovely uni library.A legitimate break I might add - this morning was spent half typing-half-faffing-on-the-internet, but this afternoon I've done dissertation related work for about an hour and a half straight so I've earned it. For once.
Nothing else to say, of course.
Look behind you, a three headed monkey!
3:12 p.m.
2005-10-17
Malawi.
This scares me a great deal. After the situation in Niger, where aid didn't reach the country in time because the crisis simple didn't make the headlines, it worries me that this it's all going to happen again. My brain's not making coherrent thought today, and I daresay that an intelligent comment on this is beyond me anyway. Simply put, I don't beleive that "compassion fatigue" is nearly as great a phonomena as the media suggests. In fact, I can't help thinking that it's the media's belief in this - that we can only take so much news, that the news has to entertain as much as inform, that things like this get buried. Sod compassion fatigue, whether real or imagined. Donate11:02 a.m.
2005-10-14
Leaving.
Last day at work went quickly, thanks to The Beetroot giving me a dozen or so new clients to set up, which took a good two hours out of a four hour shift. I shouldn't complain - at least there was no time to get emotional or stress too much about not leaving too much behind for the new junior. And, as he marched into admin while I was helping one of the nice ladies in there and promptly began to be incredibly boorish and rude to one of the admin staff (not to mention pretty unprofessional - there was no need to do it in front of everyone), he reminded me of one of the reasons I want to go.Not that I didn't well up a little, just in the minute I got to sit down and shut down my computer. As much as the place was making me miserable, I have this weird problem with finality. The idea that I'm probably never going to go back to a place. I never really say goodbye to things in such a way - I always think I'm saying goodbye for now, rather than forever. It's easier that way.
I did pretty well out of it. A �20 Topshop voucher, and �50 cash (and some loose change they apparently had left over). I'm debating how to spend the money. Everyone seems to think I should spend it on myself - but with money being a little tight until I find somewhere new, and with Christmas coming, part of me thinks I'll spend it on presents. It might sound a little stingy, but it would buy me a some piece of mind, not having to worry so much about about being able to afford things.
Monday: I'm unemployed! Hopefully I can get a lot of dissertation work done with my free time in between harassing the agency for work.
8:53 p.m.
2005-10-13
Money, jobs (or a lack thereof).
As of tomorrow afternoon I'm unemployed!Which all sounded hunky dory until this morning when I realised I have about �50 to see me through to the end of the month.
Oh well, at least I'll be poor but a damn sight happier.
Must phone the temping agency on Monday and harass my rep - who seems to be in meetings an awful lot. I want a job money, dammit!
5:18 p.m.
2005-10-11
Wah!
Laptop not working.Waah!
There's some dissertation stuff on there which in my infinate lack of wisdom I didn't save, and some fic, which while I know is no great loss to the world of literature is my writing and I want it back.
The good news is that I think it's just a problem with the battery, which hopefully I can replace without breaking the bank. Am leaving it off for tonight to see if it changes its mind tomorrow and decides it wants to work.
It's just one more thing to add to the complete lack of progress with my dissertation.
Two steps forward, three steps back...
Sick of doing that dance.
10:27 p.m.
2005-10-09
The School for Scandal
Unproductive weekend. Again. Hopefully I can pull my socks up and get some more work done this evening.I have legitimate reasons for not working yesterday. Went to see 'The School for Scandal' at the Lowry with my parents. It's an eighteenth century comedy and to be honest the only reason I'd agreed to go was to spend a little more time with my dad. I was pretty much expecting not to understand a word anyone was saying and to pretend to enjoy it. I turned out to have underestimated it. The whole play was extremely witty and dry and the Northern Broadsides (the company who performed it, including "Hey! It's Sally's boyfriend from Corrie and that guy from The Brittas Empire!") added some lovely touches. Kind of odd to see a play about London society performed in broad Yorkshire accents, but wonderful acted, very funny stuff. Recommended if you can catch them on tour. I'll have to go dig out the play from my dad's many, many books. Oh, and the burly guy who played Charles Surface wasn't bad either ;)
Straight after, went over to Hayley's for X-Factor and dinner with The Girls Plus Craig.
Today, no real excuses. Must go make up for the lack of work.
