Ramblin'
design � cece
dafont
deviantart
hosted by diaryland
You will need:
1) An assistant. This must be the one person who is a bigger arachnophobe than yourself, who will stand near the doorway peering in through the crack between the hinges because it's less scary that way*. You can then satisfy slight sadistic urges of yours by turning to her and going "Oooo, it's really hairy", causing her to go into hysterical squirms. This will make you feel better. You are the brave one. Despite 2 through 5.
2) A Container. This must be at least 3 times the diameter of spider in question, lest the spider be one of those jumping/scultly little bastards which will make you scream like a 5 year old girl if you miss it. It must also, in certain circumstances, if the spider is particularly large and hairy and stripey, be made of plastic (see requirement 5). If you cannot find a sufficently large plastic container, for example if the measuring cup provided by your assitant would just about encircle its legs, then a trendy plastic lampshade will serve the same purpose.
2a) Cellotape and paper. To seal the hole at the top of the plastic lampshade. Seal it extra well, you wouldn't want the spider to escape into the gaps in the paper.
3)A plastic folder, reinforced with paper. For example, the drawing** a 10 year old Pakinstani boy you have sponsered via a dodgy charity did for you***.
4)Gloves. If the spider may be classed, in technical language, as a "Big Fucker". Thick ones that your Grandma knitted you, that make you look like a burns victim when you wear them.
5)An open window. From here, you can either tip the spider out gently and hope it falls to the floor, or throw it out of the window screaming, before you and your assistant break into a bout of hysterical laughter. NOTE: It is important that you wait until all traffic has passed by your window.
-----------------------------------------------
*In fairness to my sister, she did come into the room at one point, which is really brave for her since she is completely terrified of spiders.
**Of an umbrella, though this is not a necessity. Any drawing by a child from a third world country may be used. Or, indeed, anything made of paper.
***Allegedly.