I'd made a pact with myself, that I'd never meet any person who was from that 90% of the school who were more popular than me until I'd made a "success" of myself. I had to be rich, and attatched, and secure in my person. New Guy has kind of pay to that. But I figured I'd deal with. He's only the one, after all, and it's a little difficult to be intimidated intellectually by someone who you saw beat a worm to death with a hockey stick in PE.
In the dream, I was on a bus with The Girls, and he was sat behind me. I think he called me a "minger" when I got off the bus, to which my response was "at least I'm not a fucker". Go Dream Me! But then, in my dream, I was in tears, really upset. Not for what was said, but for the fact that what he had said had really got to me. I was actually crying, right there in my dream, because I could still be hurt by someone who I have no connection to, by someone who I don't even really speak to at work.
I think the dream was telling me that I can whitewashover my insecurities all I want. I can fervently beleive, quite correctly, that it really doesn't matter what people think of you, because there is no league table out there, no standard of what makes a person better than everyone else. I can try to stop caring what people think of my, and make some progress (with some pride that I have) in that respect. But there in my subconcious, is the fact that I'm still a scared 14 year old girl. Wanting to know the secret of being the in crowd. Wanting to know how to be, feel, seem, normal.
Bugger me, I was glad when I woke up!